“I’m not about to read all of this shit”, that’s fine. Just keep in mind, reading something other than a status update might not be the worst thing for your illiterate ass. But “I’m juss sayiiin”…
Three Negative Aspects of Christmas Eve
Awkward Family Photos:
While you’re making multiple trips to your parents refrigerator, you’ll probably noticed something strange. Such as, a family that you didn’t even know existed. Why on earth a picture of them is on “your” fridge is beyond you… but god damn, those are some ugly looking kids.
Getting together with family is a common Christmas Eve tradition. Furthermore, it’s only a matter of time before the person who never takes their shoes off arrives. Before you know it, someone has just tracked snow in the house. That’s right, someone just tracked fucking snow in the house, and you’re the poor bastard who stepped in it. Great, now you’ve gotta change one sock. Fuck it, maybe you’ll just go bare foot. Then again, your feet are probably disgusting. Your best bet is to just kiss that wet sock goodbye, and grab yourself a dry one. Read the rest of this entry
A Fluffer: Pending on what you’re into, this could quite possibly be the worst job ever. For those of you who have no clue what a Fluffer is, then please allow me to fill you in. A Fluffer’s main duty is quite simple; prior to scenes requiring erections, it is the Fluffer’s job to keep male “performers” on porn sets sexually aroused. How you go about completing the task at hand is up to. Just remember, your job is only to fluff. The cum shots are for the other performer(s) only… rookie.
I don’t know about you, but I’m just about sick and tired of the parking lot shenanigans at OCC. For you freshman, I’m letting you know in advance—you are in for a rude awakening my friend. Truth be told, you rookies haven’t seen shit thus far. For lack of a better term, your parking lot “cherry” is about to be popped. Let’s just say, when the winter hits, the OCC parking lot turns into nothing short of a full-out abortion. Come to mention it, judging by some of you “classy” broads that I see on campus, it’s safe to say that a few of you might know exactly how messy one of those procedures can be. Read the rest of this entry
10.) Anything that makes you look like a pedophile.
09.) Every comic book character ever created
08.) Every video game character ever created
07.) Any Professional athlete (Who are you trying to kid?)
06.) Any part of the male genitalia (Guaranteed to get zero laughs)
Well that was easy, all I had to do was mention beer, and you came stumbling right in. I’m pretty sure that’s what bringing candy to a playground must feel like… well, almost feel like. I mean, when it’s all said and done, none of you are going to find yourself locked in my basement. Timeout, before you get offended, keep in mind that I’m only joking. I don’t even have a basement… And on that note, I present to you: The Greatest Beer Commercial of All Time
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