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Mrs. Doubtfire As a Psychological Thriller | 90’s Flashback

Chances are, you’ve seen Mrs. Doubtfire a couple of times. I.e., movie theaters, bus trips, rented VHS copy, hung over on a Sunday afternoon, etc. Anyways, check out the recut trailer to this gem from the 90’s… You’ll be glad you did.

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10 Default Pictures You Should Avoid | Facebook Etiquette

10.) You as a kid: “You would never have guessed it, but I actually use to be kind of cute”.

9.) Duck face: How it became a popular trend to pose like this is beyond me. Ladies, trust me on this one, this facial expression is very difficult to masturbate to.

8.) Shirtless mirror shot: When I look into a mirror, it’s for one of two reasons; I’m either sprucing up, or I’m doing the mangina pose. Regardless, the last person who I want to see in a mirror is you, bro.

7.) Your pet: I honestly don’t mind if you upload a couple pictures of that little Chinese delicacy of yours. However, setting that “sumbitch” as your default picture makes you look like you have some sort of hidden agenda. With that being said, do us a favor and upload a picture of your peanut butter supply… I have a feeling that it’s pretty impressive.

6.) No picture: Hey, if this is the best picture you have, then so be it. BTW, I hear that women find mysterious men very irresistible.

5.) An ultrasound: The beginning stages of proud mom syndrome, and soon to be removed friend.


4.) A picture of your baby: The finalized stage of proud mom syndrome, and one of the most annoying people on your friends list. Your best bet is to click “remove as friend” (unless they’re family of coarse)

3.) A webcam mug shot: There’s a 50% chance that the person who’s gazing into your soul is a serial rapist.


2.) Fat girl cleavage: Fellas, looks can be deceiving.


1.) Public Display of Affection: 1 week later… relationship status: it’s complicated.


Honorable Mention

  • A picture that’s way too small
  • Team Logos/Favorite Athletes
  • A celebrity you think you look like
  • Your Snowmobile/ATV
  • Your favorite cartoon character
  • A picture of you exhaling “cigarette” smoke

A Typical Christmas Eve | What Happens Every Year

“I’m not about to read all of this shit”, that’s fine. Just keep in mind, reading something other than a status update might not be the worst thing for your illiterate ass. But “I’m juss sayiiin”…

Three Negative Aspects of Christmas Eve

Awkward Family Photos:

While you’re making multiple trips to your parents refrigerator, you’ll probably noticed something strange. Such as, a family that you didn’t even know existed. Why on earth a picture of them is on “your” fridge is beyond you… but god damn, those are some ugly looking kids.

Wet Socks:

Getting together with family is a common Christmas Eve tradition. Furthermore, it’s only a matter of time before the person who never takes their shoes off arrives. Before you know it, someone has just tracked snow in the house. That’s right, someone just tracked fucking snow in the house, and you’re the poor bastard who stepped in it. Great, now you’ve gotta change one sock. Fuck it, maybe you’ll just go bare foot. Then again, your feet are probably disgusting. Your best bet is to just kiss that wet sock goodbye, and grab yourself a dry one. Read the rest of this entry

Our Tree Was Better Than Yours | The Ghetto Christmas Tree

With Christmas being right around the corner, I figured I’d share last years Christmas Tree with all of you. As elegant as this “fine pine” (spruce for you forestry nerds) may be, don’t let it’s beauty fool you. To us guys (the cool ones anyway) who lived at 721 Lancaster—a.k.a. Poundtown, a.k.a. the house littered with broken glass, a.k.a. the house that almost blew the fuck up— from November up until March, that tree was the very staple that held our entire dysfunctional house together. Metaphorically speaking, that previous statement couldn’t be more true. However, due to a minor flooding incident, there’s also a very good chance that it served as an extra support beam as well. Regardless, that Christmas Tree stowed 80% of our recyclables, was once used as a urinal; by popular consensus, it was also determined to be the leading cause of air born illness. So, to all of you holiday cheer-misters posting pictures of your precious little Christmas Trees, just so you know, yours is still lacking character.

-Keith Morgan

Diary of an Alcoholic | Facebook Message

I woke up this morning (1PM) more confused than a Syracuse ball boy. As I awoke from a deep “slumber”, a few questions came to mind. For example, how did I get home? Who put “ink” on my body? Where the hell are my sunglasses? And, why the fuck is there peanut butter in my ear? Read the rest of this entry

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