At 7 p.m tonight (June 13, 2012), Counting Crows will be performing live at the Saranac Brewery. Granted, Counting Crows probably peaked years ago. However, for only 40 bucks, you’d be foolish not to be singing along to the live version of Mr. Jones. Regardless of its proximity, I’m anticipating a very “pasty” crowd tonight. Comically speaking, the singing and dancing alone should be worth the price of admission. Even though Thursday is your “ideal” night to drink in Utica, I’m just glad to be dodging the riffraff (Italians) scampering around Varick St for a change. Calm down meatball, I’m only kidding… See you there!
Chances are, you’ve seen Mrs. Doubtfire a couple of times. I.e., movie theaters, bus trips, rented VHS copy, hung over on a Sunday afternoon, etc. Anyways, check out the recut trailer to this gem from the 90’s… You’ll be glad you did.
10.) You as a kid: “You would never have guessed it, but I actually use to be kind of cute”.
9.) Duck face: How it became a popular trend to pose like this is beyond me. Ladies, trust me on this one, this facial expression is very difficult to masturbate to.
8.) Shirtless mirror shot: When I look into a mirror, it’s for one of two reasons; I’m either sprucing up, or I’m doing the mangina pose. Regardless, the last person who I want to see in a mirror is you, bro.
7.) Your pet: I honestly don’t mind if you upload a couple pictures of that little Chinese delicacy of yours. However, setting that “sumbitch” as your default picture makes you look like you have some sort of hidden agenda. With that being said, do us a favor and upload a picture of your peanut butter supply… I have a feeling that it’s pretty impressive.
6.) No picture: Hey, if this is the best picture you have, then so be it. BTW, I hear that women find mysterious men very irresistible.
5.) An ultrasound: The beginning stages of proud mom syndrome, and soon to be removed friend.
4.) A picture of your baby: The finalized stage of proud mom syndrome, and one of the most annoying people on your friends list. Your best bet is to click “remove as friend” (unless they’re family of coarse)
3.) A webcam mug shot: There’s a 50% chance that the person who’s gazing into your soul is a serial rapist.
2.) Fat girl cleavage: Fellas, looks can be deceiving.
1.) Public Display of Affection: 1 week later… relationship status: it’s complicated.
- A picture that’s way too small
- Team Logos/Favorite Athletes
- A celebrity you think you look like
- Your Snowmobile/ATV
- Your favorite cartoon character
- A picture of you exhaling “cigarette” smoke
Well that was easy, all I had to do was mention beer, and you came stumbling right in. I’m pretty sure that’s what bringing candy to a playground must feel like… well, almost feel like. I mean, when it’s all said and done, none of you are going to find yourself locked in my basement. Timeout, before you get offended, keep in mind that I’m only joking. I don’t even have a basement… And on that note, I present to you: The Greatest Beer Commercial of All Time
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