A Typical Christmas Eve | What Happens Every Year

“I’m not about to read all of this shit”, that’s fine. Just keep in mind, reading something other than a status update might not be the worst thing for your illiterate ass. But “I’m juss sayiiin”…

Three Negative Aspects of Christmas Eve

Awkward Family Photos:

While you’re making multiple trips to your parents refrigerator, you’ll probably noticed something strange. Such as, a family that you didn’t even know existed. Why on earth a picture of them is on “your” fridge is beyond you… but god damn, those are some ugly looking kids.

Wet Socks:

Getting together with family is a common Christmas Eve tradition. Furthermore, it’s only a matter of time before the person who never takes their shoes off arrives. Before you know it, someone has just tracked snow in the house. That’s right, someone just tracked fucking snow in the house, and you’re the poor bastard who stepped in it. Great, now you’ve gotta change one sock. Fuck it, maybe you’ll just go bare foot. Then again, your feet are probably disgusting. Your best bet is to just kiss that wet sock goodbye, and grab yourself a dry one.

Sweating Profusely:

As the night progresses, you’ll notice an extreme shift in room temperature. Granted, this phenomenon usually occurs shortly after the molestation of your feast. But then again, maybe layering up wasn’t such a good idea either. Well now, looks like you’ve got a predicament on your hands. Are you gonna be the asshole who cracks a window or two? You know everyone’s thinking the same thing. Fuck it, it’s Christmas, don’t even worry if someone should ask if “you live in a barn” or not. Just politely tell them no, and kindly remind them that Jesus did. Nothing like a good zing on Christmas Eve.

-Keith Morgan


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Posted on December 24, 2011, in Blogs, CNY's Finest and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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